Parental Tip

Recognize this situation.

Your child leaves shoes, clothes or toys around on the floor. You want them to pick their stuff up. And you of course threaten your child, “Pick up your toys, pick up your shoes, put them away.” Or as I hear in the homes of my grandchildren, " I will give you to 3, one, two, two and a half, two and three quarters, three. " Then I hear, " Now this is your last chance." These threats are typically followed by shouting, more threats and finally frustration on the part of the parent.

When I hear these threats, I am amused that adults with college degrees and hundreds of hours of advanced academic behavioral learning are so easily bamboozled by a six year old who can barely read - books that is. However, this same six year old can read parents like braille without touching. There are infinite variations of these parental threats including economic sanctions and withholding of parental hugging. It does not work for the UN and it does not work at home.

Your child, not being trained very well, does not respond to threats. About 7:30 or 8:00 that night, while your child’s in bed and you're tired of seeing all the stuff on the floor, you pick the stuff up yourself and put the stuff away. Just like you’ve done dozens and dozens and dozens of other times before. Your child has got you trained so well that an elephant trainer witnessing the situation would be insanely jealous.

I understand Mr. Webtalkwithbob, "What do I do?" Asked the parent. "Glad you asked," I responded.

You must untrain yourself. Don’t waste time telling them to pick up those shoes. Don’t tell them to pick up those toys. Most of all do not threaten. Threats increase your blood pressure, add stress to your life and are typically useless. Drop the bomb, explain later.

This is what I mean. Buy yourself a large box or a large barrel and put it in the garage. Every time you pick up some stuff, you walk out to the garage and put it in the barrel. That barrel will accumulate shoes, it’ll accumulate toys, it’ll accumulate lots of things. Sooner or later your child will want those things. Have them earn them by doing something that you want done. After all, you picked them up. Why should your child get them back for free? Why? Only if you let them.

You’ll be surprised how much work you’ll get done as they earn those things back. And you’ll be surprised over time, at their ability to learn, if you make the "earning them back" a little more difficult than "picking them up" themselves. They’ll get the idea, and you’ll run a smoother house. You won’t threaten your child, you won’t be getting mad at them, you’ll just be picking them up like you did anyway for awhile. But eventually, and be patient, they’ll have to earn something to get them back. They will get the idea. It works, I’ve tried it, I know it works.

Oh by the way, what if they go out and get the things out of the box themselves? Well, don’t threaten them not to do that. Just put a top on your barrel and lock it. In other words, the action speaks louder than the threat. Lock it up. If they ask where their stuff is, say, “It’s in the lock box.” If they want it out, then they must earn it back. Earning it back will most always been picking things up. Make them pick your things up!

Give them tasks which will demonstrate the benefits of organization. Have them wash the floor. Clean the bathtub. Clean the toilet. Organize their closet. You get the idea. Post a list of gruesome duties they can do to earn the stuff back. Have them pick from the list. Make the learning process challenging and fun, not threatening and hurtful. It is after all a learning process, they are just kids.

These are non confrontational ways of teaching them and yourselves. It is not too late. Start today.